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To the Honorable Senator Clinton:

I am writing this message to suggest a new change in United States government, one that will undoubtedly usher in an era of peace, prosperity, and victory for our great nation.  It will make our country a land I'd truly be proud to be a citizen of.

I will first address the problems that my proposal will solve, and they are numerous in number.  The ones I speak of are the perpetual and horribly incompetent occupations of Iraq and Afghanistan, the question of adequately rebuilding the city of New Orleans, the threat to homosexual marriage, the government's illegal wiretapping of United States citizens, the possible nuclear threats of Iran and North Korea, the torture of detainees unjustly held in a network of secret and disclosed CIA-run detention centers worldwide, the immense and inflating trade deficit, the inadequate system of medical care in the country, and the mediocre state of most school institutions.  As any person would know, it would be almost impossible to solve all of these problems with one decisive action, because they are so diverse, and there are so many of them.  But the key word here is "almost"-- there IS a solution!  We just have to find the source of these problems.

If we trace these problems back, we can easily see where they came from: our President.  You, Senator Clinton, are obviously very much in the political know, so I do not need to tell you how he and his peers have created all of these problems.  I'm sure you've heard it all before, anyway, so I'll proceed straight to the solution.

President Bush influences others and carries out actions with his voice - he recites speeches, gives press conferences (very rarely), and orders other people by talking to them.  It is through this that his ideas gain momentum and influence the country, obviously for the worse.  And it is here that the solution lies - directly under our noses (literally)!  All we have to do is to get him to STOP TALKING.  It's that simple.

Therefore, I propose that you, or someone likeminded, introduce a bill to Congress which would do one or both of the following:

I) Make it so that if George W. Bush, Jr. utters a recognizable sound from his lips, the government shall levy a $10,000 fine against him or sentence him to three years in prison, or both.

II) Require by law that George W. Bush, Jr. must do one of the following speech inhibiting procedures at all hours of the day:

  a) Place a piece of duct tape over his mouth.
  b) Stuff a sock into his oral cavity, and have it held there by an aide.
  c) Put his foot in his mouth.
  d) Force him to wear a ball gag (emergency only).

By forcing the President to be silent, this will restrict his ideas from ever becoming American policy.  He may also be judged unfit to hold office due to the new law, forcing Vice President Dick Cheney to step up and take Mr. Bush's place.  He won't be able to get anything done, though, because the general popular consensus is that he's a big fat creepy jerk.  And he probably smells funny, too.

If this law is successfully passed, the United States will enter an era of utopian bliss the likes of which we have never seen.  I hope you will consider my proposal, Senator Clinton, because I believe it would make America, and thus the world, a much better place to live in.

Thank you for taking the time to read my message.  If I believed in a God, I'd ask Him to bless America at this point.

Sincerely,

Samuel Finer
This is a letter I recently wrote to Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, outlining my proposal for a new law that will certainly make America a better place.
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:icondecollatedart:
decollatedart Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2009  Student
I... I... I am in awe of your witty satire and amazing political commentaries.
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:iconunfamouslyinfamous:
UnfamouslyInfamous Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
I literally ROFL'd halfway through that....You my friend are Very awsome....and also....I need to get some of my old bush humor photos uploaded...hehe...
Reply
:iconganondorfdragmire:
GanondorfDragmire Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2008
Wow!! FAVED!! Bush is such disaster!! Cheney too! Man, I wish that could become law!! It would be a wonderful one! Of course, when he dies they would have to repeal it. Problem is though, despite the fact that he doesn't let the rest of us really have it, he would have the protection of the First Amendment. And he'd still be able to write at first-grade level. Enough to make things a pain.
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:iconmeh-cannot-draw:
meh-cannot-draw Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2007
Did you REALLY send that? That is effing awesome! :rofl:
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:iconmjolnirif:
MjolnirIF Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2007
I did, but I just got back the usual "Thank you for your concern" drivel. I hope I made some college intern happy.

Thanks for the fav, btw :D
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:iconmeh-cannot-draw:
meh-cannot-draw Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2007
That's funny... I wouldn't have the nerve to do that. You're welcome. I love the part about duct tape. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light sight, a dark side, and it holds the universe together! :D
Reply
:icontruthbuggy:
Truthbuggy Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2007
lol.. check this out..even if you don't believe his opinions, it is interesting just to hear what he says =D
[link]
Reply
:iconmjolnirif:
MjolnirIF Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2007
I think that betraying the security of one of America's operatives is a weeeeee bit more treasonous than an adulterous fling.
Reply
:icontruthbuggy:
Truthbuggy Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2007
I guess..but the fact that he committed perjury about his adulterous fling is just a testament to his character and is only mentioned in one paragraph of Morris's article. It's the rest of the facts mentioned in the article that makes me worry about her getting the presidency. They pardoned known terrorist, drug dealers and other people who contributed to both Bill and Hillary's campaigns...and this is information coming from someone who served as Clinton's political consultant for 20 years.
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:iconmjolnirif:
MjolnirIF Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2007
True, man...Hillary is not someone I trust at all.

You know who I want for the presidency? Jello Biafra. Too bad he'd never take it. :(
Reply
:iconmystical-machine-gun:
mystical-machine-gun Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2007
My friend, I take my hat off to you . . . let me put it on, first! . . . and now I take my hat off to you! You really ought to send that to Hitlery Clinton. Oh, my friend, you're funny!
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:iconmjolnirif:
MjolnirIF Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2007
Oh, I *did* send it. I hope some unpaid college intern really got a kick out of it. :P

Thanks a lot for the fav, and I hope Gordon Brown works out for you in the UK! I remember hearing on the BBC while I was in London in March that Brown had come under fire for neglecting the advice of his advisors and treating them with an almost "Stalinist" brutality...hey, it's not that big a deal across the Atlantic. We've got it all the time here! Chill out!
Reply
:iconmystical-machine-gun:
mystical-machine-gun Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2007
You DID send it? REALLY? Maybe I ought to send MY letter, then, which I wrote for President Bush: it's under "AMERICA AND WAR" in my gallery . . . uuh, somewhere . . .!

You're welcome about the fav, your letter made me smile! -- Gordon Brown has certainly revolutionized Britain, and has only been here for a few weeks in what we call his Premiership (Premiership being the serving of Prime Minister)! He's abolished a decades-old rule saying we cannot fly our Union Jack flag only on certain days (we can do it whenever we want: he wants to "encourage Britishness") . . . we've had three attempted terrorist attacks over the two or so weeks he's been PM, so we hope he can sort it out. And I'm an anarchist, and I'm saying that!!

Yes, you're right. Brown apparently ignored the advice of his underlings, and marched on ahead-- e.g. 1997, his first year as Chancellor of the Exchequer, with the pensions scenario . . . he was TOLD it was a bad idea, but went ahead with it anyway.

Haha, when you say YOU get it all the time, suddenly my little country doesn't seem so bad:) I think YOU deserve freedom more than we do . . .:)
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:iconmjolnirif:
MjolnirIF Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2007
To be honest, I'd rather we stayed with King George. Our little rebellion was a joke - what's wrong with expensive tea? Seriously.
Reply
:iconmystical-machine-gun:
mystical-machine-gun Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2007
Haha, I'm more of a coffee-guy myself:) -- but saying that, I sure would have liked to have gone to THAT Tea Party . . .
Reply
:iconjonas-shifu:
Jonas-Shifu Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2006   Writer
Definetly has the XD factor. Must have taken some time to write this, but it's so f..king funny.
Reply
:iconmjolnirif:
MjolnirIF Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2006
Oh, THANK you! It did take a bit of time, but I was having fun through the whole extent of it.
Reply
:iconjonas-shifu:
Jonas-Shifu Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2006   Writer
:D Good.
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:icondamnthemedia:
DamnTheMedia Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2006
Lyla, she's a senator not governor. Anyway, that's fucking awesome. Made me laugh.
Reply
:iconmjolnirif:
MjolnirIF Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2006
Hee hee, Lyla's dumb, and I'm funny. But I still love her. :heart:

Thanks!
Reply
:icontiegeodemon2:
Tiegeodemon2 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2006
NO U!!1
Yes, I'm dumb for getting the words Governor and Senator mixed up...
I knew that she was queen of NYC, something like that... I just get the words mixed up, pooptyface.
I READ THE PAPER, DAMNED IT!
...sometimes.
:heart: I love you too, deary. (rape)
Reply
:icondamnthemedia:
DamnTheMedia Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2006
You two are so cute... *aw*
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:iconmjolnirif:
MjolnirIF Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2006
Hah, we know that for ourselves! We don't need other people telling us that!

Thanks. :P
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:icontiegeodemon2:
Tiegeodemon2 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2006
HAHAHAHHA, this is so fucking great.
i hope you do send it to her XD
Reply
:iconmjolnirif:
MjolnirIF Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2006
I already did! OOOOOOH

Yeah, I totally hope she introduces this bill, even if it is just for laughs.
Reply
:icontiegeodemon2:
Tiegeodemon2 Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2006
It's a great letter, and if i where governor and couldn't pass the bill, at least i could sit there and laugh my ass off.
:D
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